Living in uncertain times and feeling out of control of your environment can create lots of anxiety and frustration.
Thats how I felt when I returned to Lebanon after a really relaxing holiday in Greece with my family. Coming back to experiencing every aspect of daily life as a struggle and where we have no idea when things will change for the better brought up many unpleasant feelings:
– of wanting to just run away from Lebanon because “I cant deal with this anymore”
– of confinement and being trapped due to our restricted ability to circulate freely as a result of the the severe fuel crisis that is part of the bigger crisis of Lebanon’s economic breakdown
– of social isolation because your movement is so restricted you cant easily see friends, family or visit nature and you have to spend hours waiting for fuel
– of anger at the injustice because of the widespread suffering of people especially after having been through a year and half of corona and fear mongering plus a criminal explosion at the Beirut port last year
– of stress of how to continue earning a consistent income with all the obstacles including electricity and internet disruptions
– of disappointment that Lebanon as my home is currently a very unstable home
Although I reminded myself that I am grateful for having a safe home, for having electricity (so far), for fixing my internet, for having food, income streaming in from different sources, and my loved ones being healthy and safe, I still felt a deep suffering because I felt disempowered. I don’t subscribe to shallow positive thinking because it is toxic and is contrary to my commitment to being authentic, empowered and genuinely in love with life.
You don’t need to be living in Lebanon to experience what I shared above. Everyone is facing challenging circumstances to different degrees whether in their lives, at home and/or country. It’s clear as a humanity we are being faced with uncertainty and struggles around control and power. While I reminded myself that reacting to everything and focusing on trying to control my external environment was creating more suffering for myself (and energetically feeding the larger suffering), I had to start to take responsibility for how I felt and what things were being triggered in me because I was living my life through those triggers.
I thought I had my emotions under control until I spoke with a colleague in England about what I was doing about expanding my work and it all came pouring out…and I knew there was something in my past that was being triggered by the instability I was experiencing. Using EFT tapping and Matrix Reimprinting with the help of another therapist (Yes I am an energy therapist who sees other energy therapists for my own healing), we uncovered what younger part(s) of me was being super triggered. This two year old child self felt her life crumble into instability and feeling neglected when her mother (and my father and sisters) left me in Greece to go to the US for a couple of weeks so that my mother could get tested for and possibly treated for multiple sclerosis (which ended up being a misdiagnosis). The work of releasing the trauma and emotional charge, identifying my limiting beliefs (‘I am unsafe’, ‘I am abandoned’), and helping my younger self to feel safe and loved was super liberating and inspiring.
If we don’t heal what is causing our anxiety then it continues to grow and consume your life. In my view, the work on ourself needs to be a combination of transforming pain from our past into wisdom, and developing a regular daily routine to keep your frequency or energy high, balanced and aligned with the Divine. My daily routine consists of soma breathing, exercising, meditation, and doing what brings me joy. Lately what has been bringing me joy is spending a lot of time with my beloved dog Astra and going on great walks where we meet people, listening to Dr Joe Dispenza’s inspiring talks about the power of the mind, playing guitar, and working with clients to overcome their struggles.
There is no need to remain in your anxiety, these are the times to liberate yourself internally from experiences in your past that are being triggered so that we can participate and create freely in the world in line with our authentic creative self.